| its been awhile |
[24 Jul 2006|12:01pm] |
i wonder if any of you come here anymore?
oh well.
bovvvveeeeeered?
face bovvered?
lol.
i feel silly.
im now around 80lbs. i gainned again cause im a fat bitch with no selfcontol. ive been doing okay for the past two days tho.
i dunno whats wrong with me. last year i was amazing. i was 5ft 3 and got down to 59lbs and i was actually in hospital when i got that low cuz i refused to eat.. now im 5ft 4 and 80lbs.
Laci your pathetic. get with it.
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[27 May 2006|12:36am] |
got back down to 70lbs just after my b-day.. then binged my way all the way up to 81.5... now im 74 after two weeks of not eating a thing...
i dont even know how im managing to type. i feel really weak..
im gunna go sleep.
:]
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| birthday and other stuff.. |
[24 Apr 2006|11:14pm] |
it was my b-day yesterday.
my parents actually were home for it.
suprising..
anyway.. it was ok. i got loads of stuff. my favourite was my gameboy advance sp in pink! i got a few games with it too. should keep me occupied when im travelling and wanting to take my mind off stuff.
easter... i gave all my easter eggs away. urgh. urgh.
dont know how much i weigh at the moment.
my mum took the scales away again.
i think she might have thrown them out.
:(
il go to the gym tomorrow and find out.
whatever theumber i dont look... thin.
sigh.
sometimes this seems like a never ending nightmare.. but at least im getting somewhere... i guess?
love you girls.. anything interesting with you?
♥ Laci
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[10 Apr 2006|09:09am] |
i miss my friends.
i literally havent seen them in about a month.. i went to some parties and... i couldnt handle the stares or the food or the alcohol..
it upsets me.
but i dont want to recover.. i want to get to 62lbs again. even lower.
im such a selfish cow.
ive messed up the past few days.. i dont know why. i ate around 1000 cals in an hour. fucking sick.
back on track today.
somebody talk to me? i feel lonely.. :[
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[03 Apr 2006|06:44pm] |
77lbs
again.
and ive grown an inch. im now 5ft 4".. :)
mhmm. thts all.
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| merry xmas. |
[26 Dec 2005|08:29pm] |
i feel good today. boxing day. hah.
xmas was okay.. just ate vegetables and had a lil bit of bread sauce. i threw the chocolate i got out. eww.
my grandma was being okay... not the big lecturees that i was thinking she'd give me about my eating and so on... she doesnt undersatnd whatan eating disorder is. most people dont tbh.
anyway.. i stepped on the scale today and it said 92. i was like.. whoa.. what? i kno i could be loosing an lb a day (my metabolism was running at 5000 calories a day cus of what they were feeding me in the hosp had to go up to make me gain weight. its crazzy) but yeah. all ive been doing since my last update is eating vegetables & fruit & having the occasionall glass of milk (my mum says that cause my bones were so brittle & stuff when i was 62lbs i have to have lots of calcium to improve my overall strengthh).
it might be water weight. i dunnoo.
anyway did everyone have a good xmas??
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[18 Dec 2005|12:30am] |
hmmm.
i cant sleep.
i got out of the hosp. yesterday or friday... whatever.
xmas is going to be hell this year.. but im getting down to loosing this weight already.
it should be easy considering that i was forced to eat between 2500 cals and 5000 cals A DAY to make me gain weight.
urgh.
i've only had one bowl of steamed veggies && two vegan sausages today. about... 300 calories.
gunna keep this up till xmas where ill be made to eat w/ my whole family && my grandparents will be there lecturing me and stuff. joy.
the hosps. turned me cynical..
i weighed 103lbs when i got let out friday morning...
i aim to be 95 for xmas. and w/ my metabolism how it is... it should be easy, right?
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[03 Dec 2005|11:36pm] |
well im back home sooner then i thought. but only for weekends. the rest of the week i have to go back to the hospital. i hate it there. but i wanna get out asap. so i can loose all this weight again.
im about 95lbs atm.
so fat.
so very fat.
i dont even look like myself anymore.
hopefully ill be out of the hosp completely by xmas.
and then i can get down to loosing.
and be where some of you girls are again
be back to my old self.
i went shopping today for some new clothes with my mum. i really cant bare to look at myself in the changing room mirrors. my mum gushes over how i look and says that now i can "wear flattering clothes" instead of "frumpy" ones that hide how thin i was.
i dont care what i wear. i just want to be 62lbs again.
more then anything.
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[28 Nov 2005|08:03pm] |
hey guys
i havent been on here in a while because ive been in hospital getting fat.
no more skinny me.
just fat fat fat me.
i hate it.
and i cry everyday because i cant stand to see myself like this..
i dropped more weight in the hospital.
but i was eventually hooked up to a feeding tube and force fed.
and now im fat.
i go back there tomorrow.
:(
hope youre all okay.
Laci ♥
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[08 Oct 2005|06:59pm] |
went shopping in London today. it was a lotta fun but i had to have a rest alot. its getting really difficult to you know... be normal.
my parents have been doing a lot of whispering lately and hiding things from me... which they never do.. i think.. i think theyre gunna put me in hospital this week... i dunno... i just have a feeling...
ill never forgive them if theyre doing this behind my back... im not ready for recovery.. im not. i dont want to im so scared of gaining weight and eating and itll be horrible.. theyll force feed me and not allow me to exercise and ill gain weight and ill be fat and worthless and disgusting again and i dont want that!
im doing everything to hide my weight loss.. baggy jumpers and coats and 2 pairs of trousers (i get cold) but my mum says that she can see it in my face and she knows im lying to my doctor about my weight (even though the scale reads different from my actual weight but..).
im loosing weight faster for some reason... i guess im feeding off muscle now... which isnt good.
my bmi is 12 now. i still feel really fat.
btw, if anyone has added me and i havent added them back comment so i can do. thank you.
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[05 Oct 2005|06:05pm] |
well im doinng well i guess. im not seeing a counciller.. and ive changed doctors. shes really nice. it seems like she really cares. i dont know whats gunna happen to me yet.. ive lost more weight but my doc says that im surprisingly healthy.. which seems a lil odd dont cha think? i do. but she said that my chemical balances and stuff werent as bad as shed seen them in other anorexia patients so.. i guess im lucky. but i dunno. i dont feel healthy. sometimes i do but other times i just wanna curl up and go to sleep.
my jeans arrived frm america! theyre a lil big (i got a 00 regular length) but they dont swamp me so much.
aaaaannnnnnnd.. im going to france for halloween with my daddy! im really looking forward to it. i wanna go to disneyland but my dads not really sure cus the shock of rides and stuff can bring on heart attacks. he says im too frail... but im not! ill just go for meeting mickey mouse. lol.
um so yeah. how are you girls?
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[04 Oct 2005|05:13pm] |
whoa.
hi.
:)
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[21 Sep 2005|05:33pm] |
http://www.livejournal.com/community/911pixie/759656.html
that makes me angry.. i mean.. like id choose to have this.. my hair falling out.. grey skin languno and osteroperosis.
my stupid docotr thinks i should start seeing a counciller or something and talk about my emotional problems...
i sai d no thanks..
he sent me home with leaflets and said he'd check up with my mum so hed know if id binned them or something...
:(
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[21 Sep 2005|11:58am] |
bah.
stupid docotors.
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[20 Sep 2005|04:49pm] |
hahahah.
70-fucking-3
i found my scales. :D
proper update later.. i have coursework to do. :(
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[19 Sep 2005|05:20pm] |
gah i dont believe this... my mums made me another appointment w/ my doctor for wednesday... grr.
im still 74lbs i believe... i dunno cus my mums hidden the scales. ill find them tho. i can bet that they're in the airing cupboard.
todays been alrite. felt really dizzy and stuff at school and my so called friends continue to make fun of the fact i dont eat... it really gets to me sometimes but i just laugh it off. there isnt anything else i can do.
hmm. my dads letting me order some jeans from the US... can anyone help me with the sizing and what size i might fit into? i dont mind them baggy (MK style) but i dont want them too big wither... suggestions?
thanks.
Laci
x-posted
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[17 Sep 2005|03:52pm] |
people keep asking me to post pictures... tbh even ifi did have a digi cam or a scanner i wudn't.
its not fun. its not... whyy dont people get that? i hate it.. but i love it. and i cant stop it.
it scares me.
all those girls wanting to have this scare me..
why would u want something that could kill u? why woulud u want something that makes you look like the living dead?
my doc told me hed have to hospitalise me if i lost anymore weigh..said i was at risk of major organ failure..
my mum cried.
i just sat there playing with those stupid weigts
my doctor thinks im 78.. im 74.. maybe 73. i know i said i was 75-74 last time but i was leaning towards the 74.. im sure im that now.
i fell sick and tired.. my head wont stop spinning.
i ate a carrot today. that was it. i never feel hungry anymore.
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[15 Sep 2005|10:35pm] |
75-74 lbs.
:/
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[09 Aug 2005|04:18am] |
hey guys.. i havent been on for a while cuz my mum wanted to take me to the docs and we had this big argument n stuff so yeh.
im not gunna eat tho. not even if she does take me to the docs. Urg.
yeah so my weigts dropped back down to 80 which is gd i guess. i need 2 b lower tho cuz at the moment im leik a beachd whale. i think most of my weight at 85 was water weight.. i drank loads and then i lost a ton which is gud.
yeh.. so. um thts bout it realli, nowt 2 intrestin happenin.
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[01 Aug 2005|09:24pm] |
This journal is for all my ED related stuff. Sooo yeah.
Im Laci. Im 15. I live in the UK with my mum and dad. My mum is American and my dad is British. We lived in the states until I was 2 and then moved back to the UK so I cant remember anything about the place. We havent been back since b/c my mum's relationship with her family isnt tht great. She doesnt talk to my grandma anymore.
im currently have Ana. I'm 85 lbs as of today. Bleh. Still fat. I don't like pictures so dont expect me to post any. erm.. thts bout it really. Neythin u wanna know just ask!
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